2 Months Old

Chloe - 2 Months

Claire - 2 Months

Adda - 2 Months

Ella - Almost 3 Months

Yesterday the twins turned 2 months old.  Sometimes I feel like it's been 4 months and sometimes I feel like it's been a month.  Having two infants, an 18 month old, and a just turned 4 year old is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  With that being said I know that God choose us to be here in this moment doing what we are doing.  Every time I start to get overwhelmed (which is often) I try to say out loud "HELP ME LORD!"  Getting to this place has been a process.  I have had lots of people ask me what it's like, and how I do twins.  I have had many people ask what my days are like and what our routine is.  It's a mad house!!!  We are non stop from sun up till sun down!  Here is a little back info to where we are now.   

Coming home from the hospital I had two very jaundiced babies.  Some of the NICU doctors we saw didn't feel like the babies were quite 38 weeks.  They felt like because of how they sucked they might be closer to 37.  Their sucking was weak and I was under great pressure to get lots of milk in them to try and get rid of the jaundice.  We got up every morning at the crack of dawn with no sleep to feed the babies and take them in to get their feet pricked to check their jaundice.  This was miserable and actually probably dangerous for us to be driving in complete exhaustion every morning.  Chloe's started to go down but Claire's did not.  I learned that I had Breast Milk Jaundice.  It had to do with my milk, so I had to stop breastfeeding Claire for a weekend to see if that would help.  My pediatrician called to tell me this and I cried.  She knew how important breast feeding was to me.  I realized that there was nothing wrong with formula.  In fact it's an amazing thing.  It's amazing that there is something to keep babies alive without their mother.  During this weekend I got a glimpse of how amazing it was to have help with feedings.  Up until this point I was breastfeeding them both but not at the same time.  Because of their weak sucking I was not able to feed at the same time.  So we made a huge decision and decided to pump and bottle feed.  It was amazing!  This made it so that we could go places, like church!!!!  I honestly thought I would only do it for a little while until they gained back some weight and were sucking better but now that we are in a pretty good routine I'm not sure I will try to latch them on again.  They feed 6 times a day and I pump 5 times.  My milk is abundant at this point and I am making enough for every feeding.  We are giving them one formula bottle a day just to make sure they are used to it just in case my milk supply quits on me.  Our pediatrician signed us up for a multiples program where we are getting free formula which is such a blessing.

None of the way it has gone down was in my plan.  My plan isn't a good plan anyways!  God used those two circumstances to help me get rid of my pride about formula and breastfeeding.  I can't even begin to tell you how good it felt to have the stress lifted from my shoulders about keeping two babies alive with only my milk from my body  for 12 months all by myself.  I am not super mom!  I am not able to do this on my own physically or mentally!  Giving someone else a bottle to feed one of my babies is ok!  I don't have to be all up in every single moment to be considered a "good" mommy!  I am thankful for God bringing me to this realization.  They aren't held and snuggled as much as I did Adda and Ella but anytime someone comes over I hand them a baby and say snuggle!  Luckily I have had so many people come over and love on these girls.  When I start to feel guilty for not doing what I did with Adda and Ella for the twins I quickly tell Satan his lies don't define me.   There is no room for guilt in my heart.  We are doing the very best we can!  And that is good enough!

 Using my legs to let the babies sleep while I play with Ella.

 Claire smiling at me before a feeding. 

 Chloe in a milk coma after a feeding.

 Laughing but not looking

 Holding Hands

 One of their favorite places to be is in the bouncers on the kitchen table.